It’s back! And aren’t you glad? How have you been? Struggling to watch decent TV I’d wager. God aren’t you all stupid? But let’s not dwell on that, you don’t need that on a Monday. Mondays are bad enough as they are without having your complete ineptitude at watching TV pointed out to you. Honestly.
ONE TO WATCH
56 Up - ITV1, 9:00pm
Almost fifty years after the landmarked series began, it’s time to see what’s up with the people who’ve decided to have their lives followed by ITV. But it’s more than grumbling about pension plans and mortgage worries. This is life affecting stuff. What’s the point in life? What happens when the dreams and aspirations that you’ve grown up to yearn for are like one drop in an ocean of regrets? Well, 56 Up is going to address these issues, and hopefully make us all feel better about life and relieve the crushing weight of parental expectations and a raft of ‘Whats the points’.
ONE TO MISS
Watching The Detectives: Channel 4 Dispatches - Channel 4, 8:00pm
Worried about what information about you is floating around on the internet? Or consistently annoyed at how people manage to ring you trying to sell inferior mobile phone tariffs? Or maybe just want to watch something that is going to boil however much piss you have left in your body after insisting the doctor does all those tests?
You seem like the persistently angry. What’s that like? Hows the blood pressure? I bet you hate immigration don’t you? Those bastards taking all those jobs. Monsters. Well, chill out your throbbing temple veins a second and just relax. Because watching this programme will make you want to explode with rage.
We can blather on about how great TV is, or how important it is that good TV is put to it’s best use, but The Apprentice is on tonight and that’ll make everything else seem alright. That train that you missed? Doesn’t matter, The Apprentice is on. Got shat on by a bird (and didn’t pay for it), doesn’t matter, The Apprentice is on. Basically, the only thing you should know is that The Apprentice is on.
If you do want to watch something else, or want to fill in the time between watching The Apprentice and then reading our hilarious catchup, then we’re suppose there’s nothing wrong with that.
One To Watch
Archer, 5*, 10:30pm
We could talk about how fantastic Archer is, or what it means in the grander scheme of adult animation, but instead we’ll leave you with this.
One To Say You’ve Watched
Peter Andre: My Life, ITV2, 7:00pm
It’s a bit of shame that the man who brought us ‘Mysterious Girl’ has to stoop to shilling his brother’s cancer to make a new series on ITV2. It could possibly be the lowest point of his “career” and he’s gone down on Katie Price before.
Tonight, Andrew (Pete’s brother) undergoes more tests to see whether he actually has cancer, and not like Katie Price claimed she had in her little finger, and Peter takes a stroll down memory lane.
We’re boring ourselves just writing these words but expect lots of footage of his children and Peter Andre crying about what they mean to him. If this man could monetize crying he would be a billionaire.
But he wouldn’t because he’s such a nice guy.